Home is where the hope is.

I believe there is something inside of all human beings, an inherent desire, to be fulfilled. For me, often a large part of feeling fulfilled results from what I see as my performance. The problem is that for many, myself included, even in working to attain those things we desire, we are seldom satisfied. We seldom feel fulfilled. It would seem that the presence of this desire to be fulfilled points to the fact that there is a source of fulfillment somewhere. Yet as a Christian, I am learning that lasting fulfillment is not the result of my perfect performance but perfect surrender to the one God who is, in his very definition, fulfillment. I am learning to truly believe the verse that reminds us "the fullness of joy" may only be found IN God.

Christianity is unique in that it positions contentment, joy, and fulfillment not as qualities to strive for, but as gifts to be received if we find ourselves located in the right place, that is, located in God. We don't really have a right to get angry at God if we miss these gifts because we have removed ourselves from the proper place. Nor does it profit us to be angry at ourselves when we "miss our package" because we aren't home at the designated time. Rather, we need to make sure that we return and STAY in the place we need to be so that we can receive the gifts we're entitled to as children of the King, and joint-heirs with Christ.

These videos impacted me, because they all...though in admittedly cheesy ways... depict people "returning home" and in the process, finding that joy, hope, and fulfillment they've been struggling to find:

1) "Pass Me Not"- Fantasia singing...






This song gets me sometimes because it articulates the desperation we feel in finally coming to God. It's like we're saying "Ok God, I came. I'm here. Now I need you to remember your promise and hear me when I'm calling... and ultimately he Always does. Always.

2) "Father Can You Hear Me?" from Tyler Perry's "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"

Watch Video on Youtube: HERE

What I love about this scene (even though I've never seen the movie...shhhh...don't tell it) is that the song starts of with people questioning whether God really hears us, and ends in surrender. At the end of it all, "We will say YES"

3) "Now Behold the Lamb" from the movie " The Gospel"




No matter who we are, where we are, or what we've done, because God loves us with a greater and deeper love than any parent has ever exhibited for any child, anyone and everyone can choose to come back to the place of forgiveness and grace, of hope and joy and of fulfillment. His offer to return to the home he has provided within himself is available to all.


Honestly, I really can't even express with words how much it means that my happiness doesn't come from my ability to make myself smile. My strength doesn't come from my own wherewithal...if it did, as soon as i got tired or as soon as something went wrong, as soon as i failed, i would feel unhappy, depressed, upset, and weak. Thank God my fulfillment is not only his responsibility, but his promise. For as long as I have a God to come home to, I have fulfillment... this guarantee is my hope.


Deuces...IN Him

Cruisin the blogs

So last year I started casually reading blogs. Now I follow like 10 of them on the regular!!! I decided to dedicate this entry to the things i learned just today on a few of the blogs i read:
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One of my favorite blogs is Gospel Pundit cuz they update constantly with the breaking news in the gospel music industry and let u listen to some stuff from up-and-coming artists and new releases from the greats. Today for the first time, I sampled a song called "God is good" (i know....cliché...but still true)...which i thought was pretty catchy, from this Detroit artist, Lisa Page Brooks. I also found some new stuff from J-Moss (a fave) and James Murphy:

You can listen to "God is good" and the other music I sampled HERE

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I also follow my friend Dan Shin's blog (or online magazine rather) and learned once again that Korea has the upper hand on the U.S. Just look at their McDonalds-

Ridiculosity of a tall cheeseburger:



Clean recycling that doesn't exist in any of the McDonalds I've ever visited...RECYCLING???...Yup:


A magical service to bring McDonalds right to your front door:



Dan you win, Korea IS better...
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So i was reading an entry on a blog called Something Within (it's written by this Black lady and i love it cuz she talks about race stuff, politics, and Christianity...my passions) and i scrolled down and found this picture:

I don't know why this picture was so hilarious to me....maybe it's because of the yellow floral vest and pepto-bismol-pink flooding pants....maybe it's that I was wondering exactly how up far her socks can possibly go.....or maybe it's cuz she has a huge cigar haggin out her mouth and she's like 100 years old....for whatever the reason though, i felt the need to share this with you, lol.

Deuces...In Him

All my guys :)

So i woke up this morning thinking about, well no, rewind, i woke up this morning, hollered at Jesus for a minute, and then thought about all the guys I've been blessed to meet in college. It's not such a random thought, cuz one of my friends from high school is gettin married today and the plan is to go to the wedding...that is if i can finish this entry pretty quickly...

I was just thinking, if u combined the good parts of all my male friends...that would be one amazing guy. I decided to do a quick run through of the males I've become friends with (slash a couple of whom i've fallen for...and then picked myself up from, lol) in the last three years of school and summer :

Marcus: Black...well, mixed. Extremely passionate about God, great listener and problem solver. Easy to connect with.

George: Black. Really nice, honest, caring, loves God, great artist = very creative.

Jerred: White. Crazy. Genuine. Will definitely make females feel special. Loves God more than anything. Also a Pastor's Kid. Loves music/ gives great serenades. Easy to talk to. Trustworthy. Loves kids. Asked me to marry him if we're still single by age 37...then dropped it to 30...silly Jerred.

Miles: Black. Can do the impossible! Determined, tenacious, ambitious, great listener when he's around, a natural leader. Likes to shop almost as much as I do. Polite and chilvarous. Probably the person I identify most with and understand the best.

Adrian: Black. Hidden gem. Very creative and smart. Probably the funniest guy I've ever met. Shares my love of music/singing and connects with gospel music. Laid back yet engaging. Loves God. Really loves his family. Tells stories very well. Generally interests me.

Kellyn: Black. Incredibly gifted and intelligent. Shows acute interest in who/what he wants. Uses action to support words = not just talk. Easy to connect and spend time with. Articulate. Shares political/race consciousness. Can talk to him all night long...and have...twice.

Sherrick: Black. Athletic by nature and profession. Thoughtful, funny, entertaining. Enjoys music/ understands gospel and gospel rap, and really lives for God. Tells you exactly what he thinks. Generally motivated and passionate.

Now all of these guys, just like all people have drawbacks too...and some of them are pretty serious, but overall, I've been blessed to know a great group of males.

What occured to me though...well actually 2 things stood out to me:

#1) All these guys but one self-identify as Black. Though I have female friends of all races, and even share a pretty divese inner circle as far as females go, my close male friends are overwhelmingly Black....but then I've always really valued Black males. This list sort of made me question exactly why though. Not that it's bad to share a high appreciation for Black males, especially when most of society doesn't... but what is it specifically that makes them seem soooo special to me? I don't know how to pinpoint an answer to that question...

and #2) I guess I have really high standards...I want it all. The perfect guy is the combination of all the people I've mentioned above. Even if i don't necessarily find all of these guys attractive or want to be with them in life, these qualities, and especially the love for God and the sincere desire to live for him and connection to him through music IS Attractive to me.

What I'm realizing though, is just like I know all these great guys, when the time is right, God will let the guy who is the intersection of all these things find me...and hopefully, by that time, I'll be the embodiment of those values that matter most to him as well. Not that I'm expecting the "perfect man" by society's standards, or that I expect to be "perfect" for him by those standards...but I believe it's right for me to expect the person that is perfect For me...flaws and all...cuz I certainly have lots of them myself.

I'm learning to embrace the mantra "good things come to those who wait"...I hope mystery person is "waiting" for his good thing...cuz im waiting for mine :)


Deuces...In Him

Randomized thought spewing

So honestly there is no real point to this post other than I really feel like writing and have sort of been having a lot of random thoughts today/ lately. I should probably start off by saying that just like my previous post wasn't really boy-friendly, this probably isn't gonna be too non-Christian friendly/ it probably isn't that relevant to anybody outside of my head. No cool videos or movies or stories. This post is for me....so don't feel obligated to read it cuz all imma do is jump around a lot just like when im thinkin...unless ur just nosy....or interested in my randomness...or bored...

**Summer has helped me realize that last school year contained very little alone time/ pretty much no time for me to just sit and think. I've discovered that i have kinda a weird/unique personality type in that i love to be around people and especially friends but am incredibly introverted at the same time. Introverted not in the sense of being shy, cuz im definitely not shy...i can be pretty crazy, but i need space and time to myself not to go crazy for real. Some people are externally motivated and others internally. I need "me time" to really remember who "me" is and be effective in life. So while i feel like is summer is kinda a big fail in terms of being productive (i.e. holding down a job) its been good in helping me re-establish a routine that includes taking time to pray/think/reflect/meditate on the Word and even write a bit.

**More and more I understand how you really do become like the things you surround yourself with. If the things I watch or listen to, if the people i surround myself with, if my aspirations and dreams and thought are not positive, or do not create a positive atmosphere, it is unrealistic to expect positivity as a result. On the other hand, "if I surround myself with positive things, i'll gain prosperity" courtesy of Destiny's Child who clearly took the idea from the Bible (think Philippians 4: 8) If i want happiness, peace, joy, fulfillment etc, the people and things i surround myself with need to be about those things...

** Im finding it more and more annoying:

- #1 that people think its ok to be Sunday morning Christians...like i said on fb, a Sunday morning religion is more of a hobby than it is anything else. When we give God our lives do we say "ok God imma give you one day a week and do what i do all the other days" or is that something that develops as we try to walk double lives? I realize this might sound harsh...or judgemental or something...and it is...but realize im talking to everybody... myself included...the concept is just dumb....point blank period. Let's either be completely sold out, or pretend to own our own lives. To do both, that is, to kinda own our own lives but sell ourselves out every once in a while sounds like whore-ness to me...like "ok God, how much will u give me if I give you 24 hours...or more like 12 hours of my time?"...disrespectful.

- #2 that some people walk away from church because all they hear is "do better" or "be better" without much of an explanation as to what that means...and the cause of that:

- #3 that some churches seemingly really do expect people to be great all by themselves or at least with their own effort under the guise of accepting God's help...this completely ignores the concept of your job being to "let go and let God" do his thing in ur life...the more u let go, the more he works... the "better" u become. Ignoring the whole God thing is kinda nonsense...especially for a church...folks be so motivated to work on themselves, making resolutions, promisin they gonna stop this, that and the other, and their hearts are really in the right place. I know for me at least, i can probably count a dozen times when i've said "ok Ary, here's how the rest of ur life is gonna be: you're gonna be better. Stop doin foolishness and be great." Like me sayin it for the 12th or 13th time is gonna have a different result from any of the other times. My resolutions are based upon my plans and my willpower...and for as strong-willed i am, and as determined as i can be, eventually im gonna give up, im gonna fail, im gonna sin... cuz im human...and i'm relying on me and not on Him. My life just flows so much better when it is centered in an everflowing lifesource outside of myself. Joining with God means he handles business with me, and in my case, often, for me. I like that in this relationship giving up means winning and not losing.

** Music is that THING!!! The more time i spend on this earth, the deeper in love i fall with music. Especially gospel because it often expresses the exact sentiment i want to say to God or to encourage myself. From reminding myself that "Praise is What i Do" to just saying "Thank you Jesus" or proclaiming that is gonna be " A lovely Day" or crying "I Need You Now", music helps me connect with my own thoughts and with God in a way that nothing else seems to do. Thank you Lord for music.

** I know that fear doesn't make sense and is really just a waste of energy, but i am a little...nervous about the future. I mean im really excited too, not knowing exactly what life is gonna bring me...knowing that the good will outweigh the bad, yet not being able to see a second in front of me, let alone a year or the next couple years. As a rule i don't tend to like uncertainty because I pretty much like to know everything...always...always.

**Speaking of the unseen, I need more faith in my life = i need more Word in my life = i need more God in my life...yeah God, i'd like more of u please :-)

** Oh relationships...

** I really like babies...and kids...and pretty much people of all ages. I can't wait to be a mom. I mean i have to wait. I'm not exactly ready...cuz im not married and stuff. Nonetheless, babies are God's gift...and i love presents.

So what have we learned???... That apparently some of these posts will contain no actual lesson and will instead be a collection of random thoughts from Ary's head. Ary decided she likes sharing random thoughts...and talking in the third person...ok im gettin tired, so:

Deuces...In Him

Poppin' out!!!

So, I haven't updated in a while partially because I haven't really felt the best these last couple days...but I do have a short slighty embarrassing story to share (warning in advance to male readers, tampons present, but it's kinda funny and there's a lesson involved i promise!) :

Today I went to Norris to take care of some NCE stuff at SOFO (the accounting office) and eat lunch. I purposely picked a table in the corner of the downstairs food court area so that I could do a quick switch, and secretly throw a tampon (i'mma just call it a thingy) sitting in my bag into my wallet which would be easier to carry to the washroom. Now any of u that have seen my wallet know how prettiful it is and how much I love it...but my feelings about it might have to change since this afternoon. What had happened was, the "thingy" didn't quite fit into my wallet, which isn't really big enough to hold a "thingy" in the first place, but i was determined to make it fit....so by the time it finally snapped shut, i had forgot what i was doin. All i could think about was my growling stomach that was angry at me for not having eatin all day. So I went to this sandwich place, close to where the grill is, and ordered a California chicken club....Man that sandwich was too fye, even without the bacon (i gave up pork at the beginning of the summer...at least for a while). So I got the plate with the sandwich on it in one hand, the chips in my other hand that held my wallet, and the bottled water nestled between my arm and my side and went up to the register. Right when i was about to step up to the lady at the register, this guy jumped in front of me, so i walked over to the guy at the register on the other side of the counter and handed him the paper with my order on it. He rang it up and told me the total. With my hands being so full it's a good thing I had my wallet in my hand. What might not have been such a good thing is that when i pressed the button to pop open my wallet to get out the money, instead of money a big, fat tampon came flying out into the man's face. My response: "oops."

Here's what I learned: big fat thingys don't belong in my wallet/ the real lesson = Don't be trynna hide stuff, cuz the things you try your hardest to keep secret will come POPPIN' out when u least expect it!!!

Deuces...In Him

Ovens, spilled drinks, and the larger plan

So I have a little story for you-

Once upon a time there lived a kind, beautiful, intelligent and obviously modest young lady named...D'Aryelle. Now D'Ary and her roommate lived in a beautiful apartment in Evanston and loved having people over for dinner. D'Ary's roommate especially loved having friends over for her delicious Tilapia, so tonight that's exactly what she did. After hosting their friends for many enjoyable hours of eating and laughing and generally procrastinating from being productive, D'Ary and her roomate prepared to wind down for the evening and go to bed. As a part of these preparations, D'Ary went to tidying the table from the meal's clutter, and in the process hastily picked up a left-over cup to return it to the kitchen, splashing some of the cups' contents on to the table and unfortunately on to her brand new computer located just a few inches away.

Upset and confused as to how she'd managed to do such a crazy thing, D'Ary went about cleaning up the spilled limeade and made one final trip to the kitchen so as to return the now-wet sponge. Thankful that her computer had barely gotten damp, D'Ary breathed a sigh of relief and almost left the kitchen, until she heard some sort of hissing noise. Glancing over at the stove, she noticed that the oven had never been turned off from food preparations earlier, and immediately turned the knob to the spot that said "off."

Now, what would have happened if D'Ary had never spilled that drink? If she had never made that final trip to the kitchen? If she had not stopped long enough to notice the noise? The oven, which had already been on and empty for hours would have continued to fill the apartment with gas and endangered both D'Ary and her roomate.

Moral of the story: D'Ary was upset about spilling the drink and the risk it might cause her computer, but what appeared momentarily to be a really bad thing might just have saved her life.

Trust God to turn what may appear to be bad into good.

Deuces...In Him

Moving Forward

So, one of my favorite artists has always been Israel Houghton from Israel and New Breed. Well recently (and by that I mean like 4 months ago) he came out with a solo album titled "The Power of One." Mos def one of my favorite cds by him so far. My absolute faaaavorite song on this project is "Moving Forward". Below I included 2 different versions. I was trying to decide today which version I like better (they're very very similar but one is him playing to a track and the other is real chill/ more acoustic .) You can decide which one you like best and let me know.

Anyway, what i learned today ( besides how to embed youtube videos in this blog) is word for word what Israel sings in this song:

Version 1:



Version 2:



Ain't no point in looking backwards. Past disappointments, relationships, struggles, failures, insecurities; etc, have passed away. There's a plan for my life that I will accomplish only by moving forwards. As Kirk Franklin put it at the gospel fest "bye bye bye bye bye..." ( i love kirk, he decided to rewrite the "na na na na" part at the end of imaginge me and replace those sounds with real words. i kinda always wondered why we were singin nonsense sounds to begin with, lol.)

Deuces...In Him

The Piano Lesson

So, this post actually has nothin to do with me taking piano lessons (although i did take them for a minute when i was younger) and everything to do with this:

This movie is based on a play originally written by August Wilson (a prominent Black playwright throughout the 20th century), and features Charles Dutton, Alfre Woodard, Lou Meyers and Carl Gordon (google them if u don't kno who they are, and can't tell from the picture...i guarantee you'll recognize one or two of them right away). The plot is basically that the main character wants to sell the family piano, but all these obstacles stand in his way. In the end he has to decide if selling the piano for his chance at finally owning his own land is worth tearing the family apart....Plus there's some crazy ghost/spirit/random supernatural stuff thrown in. It's an alright movie: there are a couple funny parts, towards the end it's hilarious and I enjoyed the couple times the men sang...but overall...i prolly wouldn't watch it again on my own.

So anyway, I watched this movie in my Black theatre class today. I could write pages about what i learned from the movie cuz there were some pretty deep themes. What was really crazy tho is that it turns out i'd seen part of this movie before 8 years ago, as part of a music class during my 8th grade year but never got to finish it. For all this time i couldn't remember the name of the movie, or the plot really. All i remembered is this one part where the piano plays itself, and that it had an all Black cast...and that's not really enough to google and expect a real result. I actually just thought about that scene from movie a few days ago while I was reading the original play version the movie was based on...but i didn't connect the dots. Even when I was watching the movie, it took me a second to realize that it was the movie I had been trying to find for all that time.

Here's what I learned: sometimes i get really frustrated when i don't get the answers i want right away, and the longer i go without answers, i sometimes begin to doubt that I'll ever get the answers I want. My faith, however, says that I will get the answers i need, even when it really looks like a lost cause, and even if it takes an eternity. As I often tell my friends, "Things work out," it's the assurance that i have by putting my trust in the God who holds all knowledge and enjoys revealing answers.

Deuces...in Him

7,422 Days...how many lessons learned?

I prolly can't count the number of times I've heard people say "you learn somethin new everyday". What i CAN count is the number of lessons i should have learned by now according to that logic: today makes 7,422 days i've been alive and 7,422 lessons i should've learned.

Have u ever wished you had kept better notes of the things you've learned through the years? Ever have trouble remembering things u reaaally don't wanna forget? That "important place" where you put things you don't wanna lose...and then forgot about? The year you fell in love with your favorite song/book/movie that u can't seem to recall? Your times tables perhaps?

Personally, I love to learn and hate to forget, yet im sure i can only remember a small fraction of those things ive been blessed to know in those 7000+ days. More than that, I wanna be able to share all my learned lessons, big and small, with my sister, and someday with my kids.

Most of the things i learn come from the most unexpected things/places/conversations/experiences...so this blog will help me to record and remember the music, movies, people, prayers, commercials, classes, conversations, bible passages, youtube videos; etc, that impact me and teach me something new everyday.

Look out for my first post!!!